Boundaries have been the talk of the town in the last few weeks. I’ve been going through some personal boundary issues, so it feels like the Universe has been screaming at me! With all of this boundary talk, it got me thinking…
What if we could put up boundaries to prevent ourselves from triggering our quarter life crisis?
In my post “Are You In a Quarter Life Crisis”, I spoke about how to recognise whether you’re in a Quarter Life Crisis. I also briefly touched on events that might trigger your crisis. From my experience, the main events that can trigger a Quarter Life Crisis are:
Social media comparison
A relationship breakdown
Job loss/Career “failure”
Your own negative thoughts and beliefs
Based on these 4 triggers, I’ve come up with some boundaries to put in place in case these events occur…
Social media BOUNDARIES
I talk about healthy social media use more in “Using Social Media The Healthy Way In a Quarter Life Crisis“, but I want to reiterate that social media exacerbates the QLC. We’re always privy to others’ lives with the invention of social media. Sometimes subconsciously, we ARE comparing our path to everyone else’s.
Some healthy social media boundaries might be:
- Immediately muting/unfollowing/unfriending anyone who you’re even slightly triggered by (even if they aren’t terrible people or aren’t annoying you). It’s more important that you don’t allow space for anyone who could push you into crisis mode.
- Deleting social media apps the moment you feel yourself being triggered. Social media exacerbates a QLC! Go on a detox the very moment you begin negatively comparing yourself to others to prevent yourself from spiralling. Nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger problem).
- Putting usage limits on social media. Make sure you’re not on socials early in the morning or late at night so you don’t start the day and go to bed in a negative headspace.
Maintaining your sense of self in a relationship is key to not letting the potential breakdown of the relationship, make you fall apart and into a Quarter Life Crisis. You’re with this person because you choose to be, not because you can’t live without them.
Some healthy relationship boundaries might be:
- Choosing to lean on your friends, family, and even yourself more for support, rather than your partner. I’ve always been the one to immediately turn to my partner in an emotional state, but I’m starting to believe more often than not I should have been first turning to certain friends. This doesn’t mean you don’t talk to your partner about the issue at all, nor does it mean you can’t show them how emotional you are.
- Establishing set days that you and your partner go on dates with each other/with friends/when you call each other (if you aren’t already living with them)/when you have ‘you’ time and making sure that they’re not negotiated (unless there are extenuating circumstances of course).
- Having passions/hobbies/events outside of the relationship. It’s not just about getting time to yourself, but also having areas of your life that are just for you and that aren’t typically opened up to your partner. Your partner doesn’t have to go to every one of your work functions, and they don’t have to join your weekly art classes. You can do things alone that will connect you with new (and more) people!
Don’t lose your identity in your career! You are more than your job, it does not define who you are. I think that’s part of what triggers a QLC after career or job loss – they don’t know who they are without their job. I think establishing boundaries to make sure you still have a sense of self in the workplace (just as you should in a human to human relationship) is so important.
Some healthy career boundaries might be:
- Saying no to extra workload that you don’t need to take on but feel obliged to. I think so long as saying no doesn’t cost you your job, it’s important to not let work takeover your life. Work isn’t your life, work is just part of what you do in life.
- Leaving the office at lunchtime (no exceptions!) to read in nature or walk around the block listening to a podcast, to work on your blog, or to fit in a workout. Try to do something you love or that brings you joy in your lunch break.
- Finding passions outside of work – some weekly activity to find what you love or to further explore what you love. I think it’s important not to make your daily routine – eat, commute, work, commute, eat, tv, sleep, repeat. Get a hobby, start a side hustle, or volunteer; make time for your passions.
At the helm of everything, is the relationship you have with yourself. A great sense of self-worth, self-belief, and positive self-talk will prevent your Quarter Life Crisis from starting in the first place. But a QLC forces you to begin your quest to find the best you possible, and what matters is that you’re starting this journey at all.
Some healthy boundaries for yourself might be:
- Stopping yourself from finding “evidence” that supports any negative story or thought that you have about or for yourself. This one hits close to home, because I’m constantly doing this and just last week my therapist called me out on it. Now I’m calling you out too.
- Not allowing yourself to be around people who drain your energy, make you feel like a burden, are always negative or leave you in a bad mood. It keeps you in that low vibration as well. You feel stuck, and you feel like that’s all you deserve. Trust me, I’ve been there with my own “friends.
- Trusting (and knowing) your worthiness (I am working on this one myself)! We are all worthy of what we want in life! We shouldn’t let others make us feel like we don’t deserve to be treated a certain way. Don’t let people make us believe that we’re not worthy of all that we want in life. Never accept behaviour that’s less than! Put your foot down!
Boundaries are important in general in everyday life, but I felt called to talk about them specifically in regards to avoiding a Quarter Life Crisis episode. It’s definitely possible to tame the beast, and I’m here for the gang who trip up. Shit happens and sometimes we have to ride the QLC wave instead. That’s where it’s important to have self-compassion.
I hope you were inspired by this week’s post! If you want to be notified of new posts as they go live each week, be sure to subscribe. Don’t forget to join me on Instagram for more quarter life crisis wisdom, inspiration, and validation, along with memes and anything Marvel related 😉 If you have any questions or thoughts feel free to contact me via email.
I love you 3000!